Planet Fitness

I was in Planet Fitness (http://www.planetfitness.com/). This is where I work out. I am NOT the kind of guy who lugs around his masculinity like a badge or a face-tattoo. Certainly it's a way of being--a tragic manifestation of the manner in which all men find their subjectivities bound in one way another.

I was lifting my dumbbells--and after finishing a set (my last set of the day), I dropped the dumbbells onto the floor. They made a clunking sound. Apparently, when you "clunk" you break a rule. It's not just a maintenance rule: that somehow the screws come loose in the dumbbells if you drop them too much. Mind you, I maybe dropped them a couple of inches from the ground. I was tired, man! And I was satisfied with myself for having finished this set. It was my last set of the day, and I was ready to go home. I had seen plenty of others do this kind of thing.

All of a sudden I heard a siren, and I thought to myself: "Is that a fire alarm? Should I be preparing myself to exit the building?"

No. It was not a fire alarm. Indeed, a man with more muscles then me, my brother and father put together approached me. He looked tough--perhaps the kind of guy who works out two hours a day.

I said to him, "You didn't just make THAT noise because of me did you?"

He said, "Yes I did, sir."

"You did?"

"Yes."

Then, the man stared. Was it contempt that I noticed shining forth through his no-nonsense noncholesterol complexion?

"You are not supposed to clunk your weights."

"Clunk? What is that?"

"When you received your tour--"

"I didn't receive a tour--"

"Well do you see the sign right there?" He pointed to a sign I have seen and read many times--although never assuming that I might be beeped in front of all to notice. It read like a dictionary definition: those who grunt and clunk weights are show-offs and "judgers."

Apparently Planet Fitness was serious when they coined their slogan "judgment free zone." In case anyone was unsure--it's not just something they say to get your money.